Fairy Farts Excerpt

Latest Fairy Farts excerpt:

Immediately, three sprites converged on the circular pattern. The one with the shiny blue wing pattern I remembered from my second day in Firdaus, got there first.

Blueberry held the piece of brown candy aloft and stuck its tongue out at the other two sprites. “Too, slow suckers. Okay, Old Fart, what do you want for this?”

Geezer rolled his hand a couple of times. “Call it a gift.”

“Pffft. Whatever. Your loss.” Blueberry waved the chocolate at the other sprites then shoved it in its mouth. “Ooo! This is so tasty! Thanks, Old Fart!

”Two seconds later the sprite’s eyes bugged out. “Uh, oh.” The tiny androgynous winged fairy became a winged cantaloupe in the blink of an eye, then fired itself into the ceiling like a bottle rocket complete with light and sound effects leaving behind a three-foot diameter green cloud. Feeeewiiip! Pop!

“Oooohhh. I don’t feel so good.” Blueberry said weakly as it flew erratically and plopped on a nearby table. It lay there breathing but clearly dazed.

Book Review – The Bloodless Revolution by Thomas K Davis

The planet Samael is in peril!

Adeola has been busy. Starting a revolution, training freedom fighters, and protecting her friends is a full-time job. Her brother, The Emperor Kupanga, seized the throne through subterfuge. For the good of the empire, she’s determined to unseat him. But how can she replace him when her other brother and father are dead? Well, perhaps if one of them was only mostly dead… She’ll have to lead her warrior monks on an unarmed strike.

Mega rose from humble beginnings to become the most feared commander of the royal guard. She’ll do anything to protect the throne. Anything has meant a trail of bodies and a well-deserved reputation as a fearsome opponent. Nothing will stand in her way of carrying out the Emperor’s will. She’ll hunt the dogs down in her war on terrier.

Things are coming to head. Adeola has a plan for a bloodless revelation. Unfortunately, it depends on a lot of things going right. When things almost immediately go wrong a lot of friends and innocents end up in the crossfire. Will Adeola be able to forge a path to peace, or will her efforts plunge the kingdom into a bloody civil war. As everyone knows, the best way to win a war is with weapons of mass distraction.

Thomas Davis weaves a story of action, adventure, and political intrigue. The story has a Dune or Star Wars feel to it with all the hidden connections between characters and small group of family and friends in the middle of it. There are a lot of points of view at the beginning, which makes the story hard to parse at first. About 20% of the way into the story, they knit together into a tapestry that’s easier to follow. Action, a complex plot, and characters with good depth make this story an enjoyable read. 4 out of 5 stars.

Book Review: The Ortzian Chronicles by Aaron T Knight

Sam Slade is a graduate Astronomy student at UC Berkley. He’s dedicated his life to solving the mysteries of the universe. He just wasn’t prepared to find one of those mysteries hiding in his favorite easy chair.

The Ortzian travelers from another galaxy are in a real pickle. They’ve crash landed on a primitive world filled with grotesque bipedal aliens. None of the technology they rely on for daily life can be found here. How can they get off this planet without fuel? How will they eat without compatible food? How will they signal their people without a radio-telescope? Oh! Hey, look, a radio-telescope.

The Ortz enlist Sam to help them access the telescope and hide them until pick up, except there are two problems. Sam took a picture of the crash landing, and the telescope recorded the outbound transmission. Leave it to the narcissistic Dr. Globule to find them both. Convinced that Nobel prizes are in his future, he’ll stop at nothing to locate the wayward aliens. This inevitably leads to cats, elephants, and dragons (oh my!), anal probing cows, and a boat load of conspiracy theories that might actually have a grain of truth this time.

Aaron gives us a hilarious vision of humanity through they eyes of a pair of desperate alien visitors. From ambitious egotists, to government bureaucracies, to international politics, nothing is safe from Aaron insightful wit and outrageous commentary. If you’re looking for a lighthearted romp, this is sure to fit the bill. 5 out of 5 stars.

Oops!

How can a date go wrong? Let’s see…

“Oh no, I’m going to be-”

Brrrraaap!

A thick green fog erupted from Sina’s butt. Being on the couch did nothing to slow it down. It filled the space around her for a dozen feet in every direction. And it stank. Really stank. Ten times worse than the port-a-potties at the state fair kinda stink. I struggled not lose my lunch as I scrambled out of the foul-smelling cloud.

“Oh, sweet Titania. Make it stop.” Sina exclaimed.

At that moment, Gemma stepped out of the bathroom clutching a towel two sizes too small to her front. “Hey Evan, where do you keep the- Oh, wow. What is that amazing smell?”

Sina’s mouth fell open. Eyes wide she took in Gemma’s nearly naked form. Her gaze shifted to me. Before I could say a word she bolted from the room.

Springing into April

Hey Fiction Fans,

Spring has sprung here in Colorado. I’m getting out of the house and getting some hiking and dog walking in. And, of course, diligently working on Fairy Farts. I’ve made some progress on the main scene that’s been giving me trouble. Turns out that the thing that was giving me the most problems was Sina. My elf maiden needed more character depth before the scene could take shape in my head and move forward. I found inspiration in another story. It helped me define what was missing.

Excerpt:

“It’s chocolate. The stuff on the outside is a wrapper to protect it until you’re ready to eat it.”

Sina held it gingerly in hands. “An artifact from across the great divide. I’ll cherish it always.”

“Well, it’s food,” I laughed at her reverence. “So, don’t cherish it more than a couple of months. It’ll go bad.”

Sina leaned in and kissed me. It was sweet and tender, and I wanted it to go on forever. It also lasted longer than a friendly thank you.

Reluctantly, I separated my lips from hers. I took a breath to steady myself. When I could trust myself with words, I said, “Wow. That was great and all, but… aren’t you engaged?” 

In other news, I’ve been unhappy with the selection of art available from various services for my ads. Like many writers, I buy licenses to use art made by various artists for my ad copy. I dusted off my image editing skills and made this pic of Mark and Sara on the bridge of Queen Nephanie. And yes, I bought the licenses for all the pieces that went into the final product. I’m sure I’ll get better with practice.

That’s all for this week, so y’all later Fiction Fans.

The Burning Son for FREE!

Get The Burning Son

Mark isn’t afraid to fight for what he believes in, but three years under siege from an alien fleet is enough to wear anyone down.

Until the aliens break through, and all hell breaks loose. With the planet shield destroyed and alien shock troops landing by the thousands, Mark has no choice but the run for his life. But he won’t leave without his family. He saves his sister, but his father, an influential senator, is taken. Mark is forced to bargain with the only ride off planet he can find: gun runners.

Escape is only the beginning. As Mark travels with the smugglers delivering weapons and medical supplies to war torn systems across the galaxy, the aliens keep showing up looking for him. What makes him so important that they’ll scour the stars to find him? And who aboard their ship is feeding information to the alien menace?

It’s a race across the galaxy with an evil empire hot on Mark’s heels. Will he discover their secret before he’s captured and faces a fate worse than death: becoming a brainwashed thrall of their twisted religion.

Let it snow!

Let it Snow

In case you haven’t heard, we had a blizzard here in Colorado. At my house we received just over two feet of snow. I’ve posted a few pics and vids of my dogs playing in it on social media. One advantage of being snowed in is that I’ve had plenty of time to write. Fairy Farts is chugging along and my critique group is rolling on the floor laughing and demanding more chapters.

In D&D news, I’ve got four D&D session going; three where I’m the DM and one where I’m a player. Most of it is on Fantasy Grounds (I’m a big fan), but I am running one in person game with my family. I’ve also discovered that I’m not in the last round for vaccines because I’m over 50. In the state of Colorado that puts me ahead of most of the population by the tiniest degree. I’ll take it. If I can get vaccinated and take a trip to visit my parents, I’m all over that.

I’ll also be a judge in an upcoming literary competition, so I’ll be reading a few more books. For those that don’t know, I’m a voracious reader. I plow through about a book or two a week. More if I get three chapters in and the story goes stale (Yeet. Next.).

In the meantime, I’ll be digging myself out and writing more words. See you next week!

A Royal Pain

Queen Lycia

Poor Evan, stuck doing the bidding of the elf queen. Still writing Fairy Farts (I don’t have a better name yet). Lot’s of situational comedy and puns. I’m struggling with the audience chamber scene. I keep wanting the queen to say something like, “Evan, it’s so good to see you… alive.” Like Scar does in The Lion King, but it doesn’t fit. She’s not bad, just Machiavellian. Oh well, the queen will find her voice, even if I have to stuff it down her throat like a garlic stuff olive.